they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
