Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
