I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I understand Curling. That high.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
