That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
