Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
