after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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