Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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