Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
