Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Randomize
