Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We are all done wearing pants today
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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