My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize