just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
May the power of my ass compel you!!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
