my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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