He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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