he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
