did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
