i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
