My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize