ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
