hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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