He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
