; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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