I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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