hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
