HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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