my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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