I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
