i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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