Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
