I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
