He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
