We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
