know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize