am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
