The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
