well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
