Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
