I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
