What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
