i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
