cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize