I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
