If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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