Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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