I just saw a hot homeless man
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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