I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
