Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
