The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He shit in the fireplace
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize