why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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