I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
