I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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