Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
