had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
