i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
