last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize