why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
