dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
