like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
