I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
