i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
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