So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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