i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
