but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
