everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i can't believe i had my finger in that
only you would photoshop your dick
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
