better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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