he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize