I hate your face
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
