I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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