Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
