Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
