At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize