My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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