I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
