i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
