Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize