I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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