i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
even my farts smell like vagina
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
