Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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