hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
