I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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