i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
