I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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