she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
