This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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