You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize