I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
